(Note: Today’s post, Best Books For Pastors Wives, is written with pastor’s wives in mind. Not a pastor’s wife? No worries! Grab the link and share it with your pastor’s wife, or share it so others can find it.)
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She peered at me inquisitively through her thin, wire-framed glasses, “Are you going to play the piano tonight?”
Oh no, not that question again, I thought to myself. It seemed like every time my husband was a guest minister at another church, I was asked the same question – am I going to play the piano?
Here’s the catch: I don’t know how to play the piano.
Please understand, it’s not that I haven’t tried. All good preachers’ wives play the piano, right? As a younger woman, I took lessons, and took more lessons, and tried lessons again, only to find that I’m not musically gifted, and no amount of lessons was ever going to make me any better.
Since those earlier years, I’ve learned pastors’ wives come in all shapes and sizes, with varying talents, giftings, and skillsets. We’re not all the same. I love to research, write, and encourage. Others may feel drawn to intercessory prayer. Yet many common stereotypes tell pastors’ wives they should play the piano, sing, teach Sunday School, host home bible studies, lead the women’s ministry, give all of their waking hours to church work while also being a helpmeet to their husband and a perfect mom to perfect children, and so much more. Who can keep up? Certainly not me!
Did you know the bible doesn’t give a specific “job description” to ministry wives? We can serve the body of Christ without giving credence to those stereotypes. We can teach, lead, play, sing, write… using the talents He has given to us for the edification of the body. In short, we’re all called to serve and to love. Serve faithfully, whole-heartedly, as unto the Lord, whether it be as a ministry leader, Sunday school teacher, church door greeter, or passionate encourager.
An older, wiser minister’s wife once told me, “You didn’t marry the ministry, you married the man.” In other words, don’t feel discouraged when you’re not able to live up to everyone’s expectations. You can’t be all things to all people, but you can take steps to cultivate a strong marriage and be the wife your husband needs, while raising your children to love the things of God and appreciate the nuances of ministry life.
One pastor of a well-known church has been known to say, “Your greatest contribution to the kingdom of God may not be something you do, but someone you raise.” Your calling in this season of life might simply look like serving your family to the best of your ability. Your children might be your mission field!
Best Books for Pastors Wives
One question new pastors’ wives often ask is if there are any helpful books written for ministry wives, and so this list was born. These books are suggestions shared by other seasoned, respected pastors’ wives.
While I haven’t personally read them all, I’ve read a couple of them, and all of them are well-reviewed. I’ve linked them to Amazon so you can read the summaries and reviews of each.
(Please share this list with your pastor’s wife so she can use it as a resource, too.)
Sacred Privilege by Kay Warren
The Church Planting Wife by Christine Hoover
The Pastor’s Wife: Strengthened By Grace For A Life Of Love by Gloria Furman
Leading and Loving It by Lori Wilhite and Brandi Wilson
Zeal Without Burnout by Christopher Ash (this is a personal favorite of mine, though not directed specifically at ministry wives)
Ordering Your Private World by Gordon MacDonald (another personal favorite, written by a retired pastor)
She Can’t Even Play The Piano!by various ministry wives, a compilation of stories
High Call, High Privilege by Gail MacDonald
Do you have any favorite books for pastors wives to read?
Is there a particular book or resource that’s helped you serve in your ministry role? What’s helped you keep the right perspective? Please share in the comments so we can all be blessed by it!
Go in grace today,
You Might Also Like: 3 Bible Verses About Marriage That Changed Our Life
If you’re new to my blog, I’m all about finding ways to help you grow in your relationship with God, manage your finances well, and live an abundant life. Here are some of my favorite studies and resources that may help you out:
- My marriage bible study is a quick two-page download that will help you deepen communication with your spouse and with God.
- These marriage scriptures are outlined on beautifully designed cards that you can print and keep with you in your purse or around your house, to help you stay mindful and intentional about strengthening your marriage.
- If you’re craving more from your time with God, you’ll love my 31-Day Time With God Toolkit.
I’m not a PW, but I read, enjoyed, and profited from Gloria Furmans’ book!
Wonderful, Michele! Would that be this one on the list, or another? http://amzn.to/2euPgbi
Her books certainly get rave reviews!
I really appreciate you list. Thank you! I’ll check them out.
I’m not a pastor’s wife (yet), but my boyfriend is responding to the call to ministry, so it may not be long! I’ll be saving these books to read later.
One of my favorite books that has affected my ministry is “Anything” by Jennie Allen. I really like how she shared the journey that she and her husband went on to surrender their ALL to Him. After reading that, I started to look at my entire life as ministry!
Where is the list?
I loved the book It’s a Wonderful Life by Terrie Chappell. It’s really encouragjng. Also, thanks for sharing this list! I’ve been looking for books written for pastors’ wives to add to my reading list. ?
It’s A Wonderful Life is my personal favorite!
I loved the book It’s a Wonderful Life by Terrie Chappell. It’s really encouragjng. Also, thanks for sharing this list! I’ve been looking for books written for pastors’ wives to add to my reading list. ?
Hi, I enjoyed what I read. I am a new Sr pastor’s wife. It has been a challenge more within myself dealing with my own thoughts and fear. Thank for your story and encouragement. The book I have read that I believe will be helpful for new pastor’s wives is: A HandBook for Ministries’ Wives- by Dorothy Kelly Patterson. God Bless You
The Monday Morning Club by Claudia Barba is an excellent book for pastors’ wives. Also, How to Thrive as a Pastor’s Wife by Christine Hoover.
My husband is a worship leader at a small church plant. We’ve been there for 4 years now. While not quite the same as a pastor, he is still in a leadership and ministry role.
This is probably not the place to express these concerns, but I am growing a little desperate and worried. I don’t have a calling to ministry and I have no friends or community at this church, but I love my husband and want to support him in this call that God had placed on him. I just don’t know how I fit into it all.. I don’t know my role as “wife to the worship leader”. I try to support his leadership efforts (gathering his musician and tech team) by playing the host, but I don’t know how to do it genuinely when I don’t have any friends in the church (I am the only married woman without children). I am really worried that my struggles and lack of ministry calling means we are “unequally yoked” and will negatively impact his efforts to follow Gods purpose for him.
All that to say.. if you know of any support groups or readings that might help me, I appreciate it. I was considering one of the books you mentioned, The Church Planting Wife, but the description sounds like I have to have the ministry calling and have friendships (that just discourages me more..).
If you read all of that, I commend you. Thanks for letting me share a bit of my struggle.
I really encourage you to listen to francis chan and his wife sermons on marriage. ministry is more than s title and I pray every lie be broken in the name of Jesus. I would ask and pray for the Lord to bring a good godly mentor or friend. Know that friendship takes vulnerability and reaching out as well. especially if they have kids. ask to come over and help out I know any mom would take that offer lol.
I liked The Well Watered Woman by Gretchen Saffles https://www.amazon.com/Well-Watered-Woman-Rooted-Growing-Flourishing/dp/1496445457/ref=asc_df_1496445457/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=692875362841&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=2063877272830729049&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9058691&hvtargid=pla-2281435177098&psc=1&mcid=218869c0229735d999a55d9d282fbfe7&hvocijid=2063877272830729049-1496445457-&hvexpln=73&gad_source=1
and The Pastors’ Wives’ Diaries by Dr Larry Anderson https://www.amazon.com/Pastors-Wives-Diaries-Visible-Invisible/dp/1735084786/ref=asc_df_1735084786/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=692875362841&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=17909740717221568980&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9058691&hvtargid=pla-2281435176618&psc=1&mcid=2c2758e9a70536ffaa26c5d6b2842477&hvocijid=17909740717221568980-1735084786-&hvexpln=73&gad_source=1
The Monday Morning Club, by Claudia Barbara
How to Thrive as a Pastor’s Wife, by Christina Hoover
Thank you for all this information my husband was spiritually called to pastor the church we are an now 3 years ago. I am still seeking my place, our kids are all grown and I’ve found that I’ve become the fill in person lol which is fine with me, but before my husband was a pastor God put a burden on my heart for women. That burden has never left, but right now we are praying for a youth leader and a choir director those are some of the roles I am also helping to fill hah God is amazing the way He works through a willing vessel
The book I recommend is actually the first book I ever read aside from the KJV Bible a friend passed it to me. It’s called “Help Meet” by Debi Pearl. I still use it as reference after 19 years of marriage.
Love, Prayers, and Blessings