Contrary to what you may think, the greatest enemy to sexual intimacy in marriage is not weight gain, financial troubles, young children, or TV.
For women, the greatest enemy is something you’ve probably experienced recently. If fact, you may be experiencing it right now.
It’s weariness… You’re just. plain. tired.
According to Dr. Kevin Leman, an internationally known Christian psychologist, author, and speaker, women desire a fulfilling and meaningful sex life with their husband, but they’re exhausted.
In his book Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage, Dr. Leman spends a chapter discussing women and their number one reason for not having sex. We’re tired, so we put it off for later, but later can become later again, then seldom ever. And then comes more truth: putting it off until later doesn’t make the next time better, but rather it begets more abstinence, and then we begin a cycle of increasing frustration in our marriage.
We’re overcommitted. We’re not taking seriously God’s desire for us to have scheduled, weekly rest (a sabbath rest). He created us to need rest, and we’re neglecting it. We’re wounding our marriage, family, and spirit.
Sweet friend, you can’t continue at this pace. If you’re not careful, you’ll fast-forward out of control. You cannot be all things to all people. You cannot give your best to your husband and your children if you spend all of your days chasing busy. When we try to do everything, something suffers.
You’re going to have to let a few things go. It may not be easy, but you want to build a meaningful life on a firm foundation.
No more running around every single weeknight shuttling the kids around to ten different after-school activities. Scale it back. They’ll survive. Actually, they’ll probably thrive. Family time together at home is priceless and needful.
What else can you remove from your calendar? What can you say no to? What can you stop saying yes to?
Every time you say yes to something, you are inadvertently saying no to something else. Yes to this, no to that. Yes to another sport? Then it’s no to family time at home. No to that weekend away. Be careful not to choose what’s good over what’s best.
Now let go of the mommy-guilt. Don’t even let that creep into your thoughts for a single second. You can make a small step forward, today. And then you can make another step forward tomorrow.
Be intentional about carving out time for rest. It’s not selfish, it’s necessary. You need to recharge for so many different reasons, but especially for your marriage’s sake. For your sake. For your family.
What small change will you make today?
Go in grace,
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